“You can’t wait until life isn’t hard anymore before you decide to be happy”, Jane Marczewski (Nightbirde). 

Everyone of us had own issues, problems and situations to manage, handle and resolve, we all have our ups and downs. Life is never easy, some had it tougher than others. Personally, I had my fair share of ups and downs, however last year 2021 was one of my most difficult periods, mentally and emotionally, there were huge struggles on both personal and professional aspects. I am still struggling (lesser as compared to 2021), I wasn’t happy even though I don’t show it on my facial expressions.

Recalling Nightbirde’s quote, we can choose and decide to be happy. A gentle reminder, a wake up call, I can choose and decide to be happy. This is not going to be an instant change, first and foremost, I am making the decision to be happy, while facing all the incoming headwinds and challenges head on.

Jane Marczewski (Nightbirde) passed away on 19th February 2022, her voice, words, positivity and courage will always be remembered. 

Rest in peace, Nightbirde.

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Photography by Isaac Ong

I am not going to share P2HA restrictions photos or talk much about the restrictions in place, the stacked up tables and chairs at kopitiam, cafes, food outlets or the taped up benches and tables at hawker centres, like what I published previously here. However, I would still continue documenting and photographing P2HA whenever possible. 

Photography by Ryan Cheng

Our mental and emotional health/well-being are receiving further and bigger impacts from the ongoing COVID-19 fatigue along with cabin fever. It’s more than a year now since 2020 when the global pandemic hit us, everyone is feeling very tired, it’s taking a big toll on our mental and emotional health. We can see more people around us getting depressed with news of three murder cases within a week in Singapore doesn’t bade well on our current mental and emotional health/well-being. My mental and emotional health/well-being took a hit in the earlier P2HA, I was depressed, in a rut and I was blessed to have friends who pulled me out. 

Through my own photography therapy, trekking into nature and outdoors for forest bathing, I found solace, peace and tranquility again during this ongoing battle against this global pandemic. While this was’t an immediate recovery, it was a slow and steady pace for me. If you are feeling mentally and emotionally burnt out, feeling depressed, you are not alone, you’ll never walk alone, you have your family, loved ones and friends beside you to help you through this.

Please speak to someone that you can trust, go for physical and exercise activities, get into outdoors and nature, return back to your hobbies. You can also do/start something new too. Mental health matters, your mental health and emotional health matters. Take good care of yourself first and you would be able to help other people, from your family, loved ones, to friends and others in the society that have fallen through the cracks.

I am working on a photography therapy project at the moment, I hope that my upcoming humble photography therapy book/zine can help you or play a small role in improving your mental and emotional health/well-being. 

Is there light at the end of the tunnel in this ongoing battle with this global pandemic? Initially, it seemed like we can see light at the end of the tunnel yet the return of P2HA again dampen the whole recovery journey. This is definitely a long and lengthy battle against this global pandemic COVID-19 with many turbulence of ups and downs, this dip might derail our recovery efforts towards a new normal. Let this be the time to unite, be strong and work closely together to continue our fight and recovery journey against  this global pandemic. 

Return of P2HA – Please Take Good Care!

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Photo credit: Isaac Ong

While we were taking photographs of the local wildlife, a moth was flying around me and landed on my Canon EOS RP and EF70-200mm f/2.8L IS USM II lens! I was pleasantly surprised that a moth would choose to land on me! I quickly asked Isaac to help me photograph this priceless moment, the moth flew away and landed on my ThinkTank lens pouch before it flew away from us.

Photo credit: Isaac Ong 

The last time a moth had such an impact on me was on the eve of my paternal grandmother’s death anniversary in November 2019. Our extended family gathered in the living room of my Uncle’s home, we were relaxing, chatting with each other and catching up. A moth flew into the room, landed on the wall, above the family altar. My auntie said, “That’s your grandmother returning to visit us!” 

For some people, the significance of a moth appearing has different meanings and views. I came across this article, “Moth Meaning and Symbolism: The Mysterious Spirit Messenger” by Crystal Clear Intuition. This article gave quite comprehensive insights into the meaning of moth, symbolism and what it means when it lands on us. 

Personally, when this moth landed on me, is both a blessing and omen for me. For those who missed out on what really happened to me during the past few weeks, I was not in a very good shape at all, both mentally and emotionally. That was during Phase 2 Heightened Alert, I wrote about my Reflection, Thoughts and Feelings, along with my poetic visual storytelling on fate, time, ikigai and personal struggles. On top of that, I had a few very personal situations/matters that overwhelmed me into a tipping point that I almost spiral downwards. If it wasn’t for a few friends (Chef Keith, old primary school classmates Michael and Wendy, photographers Ryan and Isaac and a special mention to my cousin-in-law Tiffany for lending me her listening ear) who pulled me out from the rut, the situation might be worse for me. 

As I climbed my way out from the bottom, slowly clearing my mind, thoughts, emotions and hurt. The battles are still ongoing in the aspect of running and managing my photography business. I was constantly reminded, “Survival first, followed by love yourself and take care of yourself first. The rest can come later.”

Taking small steps, through nature and forest bathing (Shinrin-yoku 森林浴) with my photography therapy in the following two weeks after 7th June, I slowly climbed my way out from the bottom. I prioritised the battles to take on and fight. First and foremost, survival. Meeting people to discuss business, partnerships and collaborations over different days when Phase 3 Heightened Alert with 2 pax dining started, there were small changes and good things coming to me in small ways in one way or another. 

Photo credit: Isaac Ong

As I was trekking through MacRitchie Reservoir Park/Central Catchment Nature Reserve, I looked up above the rainforest canopy, the light shining upon me from above through the leaves, this is Komorebi (木漏れ日) that I have been seeking. 

Are all these blessing and omens the turning point for me? Is there light at the end of the tunnel for me and for the world, as we are all battling this global pandemic situation that has caused such massive impacts to our economy and daily living? Was the appearance of this moth landing on me not just a coincidence, it’s also carrying a message of both blessing and omen for me, to remind and encourage me to keep on striving forward and grab hold of the opportunities with both hands when they appear? 

I am still hurting inside, there is something that cannot be said, leaving it to fate and time. My life and business journey continues, the constant battles continue in the wake of this ongoing global pandemic as well.

That moth has probably sent me some messages for me to decipher, discover and embrace the blessings and omens from above. However, I still have to work very hard to fulfil them and make them come true for me. 

Photo credit: Isaac Ong

Let’s keep on striving and moving forward in this very difficult and trying times.      

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As I explored and trekked through the mountains, forests and valleys, searching for the answers, am I able to find them? Life for me, as well as my photography, they have never been smooth sailing, it’s full of ups and downs, twists and turns, we have to weather the storm and welcome the sun to shine upon us again when it’s all over. The beautiful sounds of the wildlife calling out to us, the sound of the waves reaching the shore. The freshness aroma of the after rain, sweet fragrant aroma from the trees, leaves and flowers. 

Chasing the sunrise, the light rays shining through the rainforest canopy, patiently waiting for the sunset to end the day on a high. Is it fate, is it all about the time or they both combine together at that moment in time? 

Fate and Time, these two things intertwined into my life. Are things/we fated? Maybe it’s just not the right time. Maybe, I just have to let fate takes its course. Where will fate and time bring me? 

我们到了站，这一站叫 ____ ? 下一站是 ____ ？

Maybe I need to trust the timing of my life. Trust my own journey, my own fate and my own time. 

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