Time had passed in the blink of an eye, from her 1st year anniversary in 2017, followed by the big memorial service in the 2nd year anniversary in 2018. The 3rd year anniversary in 2019 was an extended family gathering of remembrance of our family matriarch.

It was a simple remembrance ceremony, putting her favourite food and offerings on the morning of 17th November 2019 along with the extended family gathering, chatting and catching up. On the eve of my grandmother’s 3rd year anniversary, there was an omen that caught our attention.

On the evening of 16th November 2019, we arrived from our drive up from Singapore and having a rest in the living room, getting ready to leave for dinner outside. There was a moth flying in the living room above us, spotted by us and my auntie said, “Grandmother is back, looking at us!”. At that moment, I also felt that grandmother was back to visit us on the eve of her 3rd anniversary. I didn’t take any photo of the moth flying inside the living room, however, it will always be a memory inside us who were there at that time and written down in this article.

As another year had passed since she left us, the matriarch of the family will forever be with us and inside us. Her legacy, teachings, stories and love for her family will be pass down to generations and beyond.

Lest we forget.

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Everyone of us in the extended family felt a huge loss when she left us on 20^th November 2016 (农历十月二十一). It was the start of a mourning period (I also wrote a personal heartfelt article for my paternal grandmother on her passing in Jan 2017)  with key ritual dates on the 7^th, 14^th, 49^th, 100^th, 清明节2017, 1^st year anniversary in 2017, 清明节2018 and followed by the 2^nd year anniversary (in year 2018) of her passing with a grand memorial service, rites and rituals.

Entering into November 2018, the period of her 2^nd anniversary, the extended family began preparing for the upcoming memorial service and rituals known as <做功德>  over 3 days of Taoist rites performed along with lots of food offerings. As I am participating in the rites and rituals over 3 days, I didn’t manage to take many photographs. All these big ritual services were not just for my grandmother’s 2^nd year anniversary memorial service, it was done together with and, also for my other ancestors who were no longer around.

While I really wish to go more in-depth into the rituals, I would not be able to do so in my article here. Moreover, this is a memorial and remembrance time dedicated to my paternal grandmother.

26^th to 27^th November 2018

This special memorial and remembrance service <做功德> started on 26^th November evening. Since this was my first time attending and also participating in this service, I was basically “lost”, I just followed instructions.

There were some key takeaways personally for me, <做功德> is very different from a funeral. I will not forget the words, wisdom and sharing by the chief priest, on the topics of filial piety, family unity, remembering her legacy and sacrifices. This is not just a memorial and remembrance service, it was also a celebration of her life and legacy.

28^th November 2018 (农历十月二十一)

The final day of the <做功德> rites and rituals, this was also her death anniversary. A number of different rites and rituals were conducted, followed by a big buffet dinner attended by the extended family, relatives, friends and neighbours from the village.

The grand finale was the burning of the tall paper house, surrounded with heaps of joss paper. Once this final rite was conducted, this also marked the end of her memorial service, as well as the mourning period for the extended family.

Our matriarch, our grandmother, will always be in our hearts, mind and soul, even though she is no longer around. She will always look after us from the Heavens above, protecting and blessing us, just like she always do when she was still around on Earth.

做功德，祖先保佑！

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Your presence can still be felt when the extended family came back for your 1^st year anniversary, preparing your favourite food and offerings for the memorial service.

I will always remember you, stories, thoughts and feelings from my remembrance article that I wrote in dedication to your memory in January 2017. It’s not just me, the entire extended family too, will always remember you, in their hearts, mind and soul.

From the young and bubbly great-grandchildren, to us, the grandchildren and your children, the strength and unity is one of the best testimonials to you as the matriarch who led, controlled and took great care of this family.

Sending money, clothes, gifts and durian to my matriarch, my paternal grandmother in heaven, the entire extended family of 5 generations under her, hope that she likes the gifts when she receives it!

农历十月二十一，阿嬷的祭日，全家五代永远记得在心。

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On 30th June 2007, we all held a grand yet simple home cooked feast birthday celebration at her home in Bukit Pasir, Muar, Malaysia. Her extended 4 generations of family came under 1 roof to be with her and be part of her grand celebrations.

We drove in and started to help out in the preparations for feast. We prepared the tables and chairs, brought out the food, drinks and desserts prepared by my aunties. It was a really great feast of delicious food and we enjoyed ourselves thoroughly. Soon grandma’s guests arrived and the party began, people came to wish her Happy Birthday, showered with gifts and red packets.

We, the whole extended family network, ordered a giant cake, that has 9 “storeys”, signifying her 90th birthday. It was a great sight that stands tall and proud, just like my grandmother.

Soon after, we all had our fun of photo taking, different generations and groups of our extended family network.

Happy 90th Birthday Granny ! Many best wishes and happy returns !

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